to realise the value of a year...

ask the person who dignosed cancer

the realise the value of a month...

ask a pre-matured baby

to realise the value of a week...

ask a weekly newspaper editor

to realise the value of a day...

ask a daily wage worker

to realise the vaue of an hour...

ask the lovers who waiting anxiously to meet

to realise the value of one minute...

ask the person who just missed the last train

to realise the value of one second...

ask the survival of a car accident

to realise the value of one millisecond...

ask the athelet who came in the race

tats the value of TIME.

are all the statements true?

yup i think its very true.

(:

to study or to work?

to stay or to go?

y in life have to do so much decisions?

the worst thing is the older u get the more things you have to decide.

the worst worst thing is you have to make more and more complex decisions.

i really hate to make decisions.

maybe im used to be a follower.

seldom make decisons since teenage.

so ended up im like this.

really hate myself so so much.

hais.

sometimes i wana make my own decision.

but ppl ard me will psyco me.

so made me so indecisive.

and the fact is.

im actually quite indecisive.

hais.

wat can i do?

im like going crazy le u noe?

hmm.

out of sudden feel like trying something new.

wana try something tat im always telling myself i dont like like.

but wat if i tried le and i really dont like it?

do i have a choice to turn back?

or have to continue with it even though i dont like it?

or have to try another thing le?

hais.

ya tats y im afraid to try something new.

afraid of failures.

tats y im always where i was 5yrs ago.

think if i continue to afraid and scared all the way.

think 50yrs later im still doing the same old stuff?

hais dunno lah.

can anyone guide me wat i suppose to do now?

shld i try or not to try?

went to yun's 21st bdae celebration.

happy and glad for her afterall.

(:

im like always creating problems.

i noe im giving him stress.

but im just cant control my emotions.

hais.

i must be understanding.

i must compromise with his schedule.

but i want him to acc me.

i dont wana be alone.

i hate to be alone.

but how?

wat can i do?

wat can he do?

we both really wonders.

hmm.

had been like so busy for the past 3weeks.

12mar my bro POP.

went to attend with my mother.

15mar he went to ns.

went to send him with his friends.

i did not break your promise wor.

am i guai?

hee.

but tats the day tat we start to spend lesser time le.

tats wat i hate to admit the fact.

18mar went to dinner and dance at zouk.

hmm not as fun as expected ba.

maybe coz i stick to june and faridah.

they dont go this kind of places de.

so like boring.

went off quite early oso.

19mar the day aft my dinner and dance got sore eyes.

went to see doctor to get mc.

haa.

20mar the next day went back to msia.

haa not purposely go take mc de hor!

at the same time he book out on tat day too.

quite sad tat cant go fetch him.

hmm.

went msia.

saw my newly born cousin and niece.

hee.

and oso to get my hair perm by my cousin.

hee.

glad tat till now no one says its ugly.

lols.

came back singapore on 23mar.

finally can see him le.

for tat past week.

when he is in camp can only talk to him for less den 10mins.

when he book out le contact thru few msg and calls.

coz oversea msg and calls is ex!!

haa.

miss him~

hmm.

had comeover the fear le.

(:

25mar went to batam with all my colleauges.

really all 9 of us all turn up.

so happy!!

=D

met tirta in the train abt 0720.

reached harbourfront abt 0745.

den both of us met bee eng there den realise actually we took the same train.

haa.

den 3 of us went to have kfc breakfast.

james already there le.

tried their breakfast.

not as nice.

haa.

den francis firdaus dennis nan n faizal went kfc to look for us.

aft breakfast went to catch our ferry at 1000.

this is the first time in my life went to another country other den msia.

haa.

so excited.

the tourguide brought us to 2 temple.

had seafood lunch.

had massage.

first time had massage.

really feels good lr.

s$20 for one and a half hrs.

consider damn cheap ba.

haa.

had shopping.

dont really have enough time to shop.

imagine we used run to shop ard.

sounds so kua zhang lor.

lols.

ended up.

i only bought myself a s$12 odm watch.

lols.

the rest i bought is all food.

6donuts which look and taste like donut factory's.

only cost s$4.50

cake lapis s$11.

which singapore are selling $30 to $40.

my goodness~

we oso went a&w to have our favouite root float and the waffle ice cream~!!

yummy!!

something tat cant find in singapre anymore le.

haa.

=DD

aft tat den go back singapore le.

abt 2000 we rached singapore.

really enjoyed myself.

=DD

28mar going to yun's bdae chalet.

but still have to work.

sians~

hmm.

found myself changed alittle.

as in did not irritate him tat much to make him angry le.

im not as stubborn as before.

hope tat he can see and feel the changed.

i dont wana stress him out.

(:

i TOT last few days before he go ns we can spend more time together.

but the fact is.

we have lesser time for each other.

i dunno y.

when im working he is at home.

when he is working im at home doing nth.

like today.

so wat i off on sunday.

but he is working.

hais.

the higher my expectation.

the greater dissapointment i will get.

happy belated 6th!!

(:

had decided to register to SIM.

but no money to study.

sians.

register hopefully got a place for me first.

den consider to study this yr or next yr ba.

hmm seems like they are using different ways to suan me.

or am i thinking too much?

they seems like more happy without my presence.

is our friendship still exist?

i always tot im the luckiest one to have friends ten over yrs.

but seems like im wrong this time.

ended up they are the ones who dont understand me.

made me sad and stress for so many days.

shld i make the first move?

or they shld start the ball rolling?

so happy to see kor kor visited me at work today.

he looks more fresher den the past week.

perhaps tat week was his most difficult days during his life ba.

kor kor jia you!!

stay happy!!

=D

well anyway i saw one grp of nyp lecturers at my work just now.

so damn shocked.

think due to the IT fair at suntec.

somemore tat grp are those tat i dont like most.

eee~

i run away first lor.

haa.

out of sudden i miss michelle.

i miss my ai ren.

my poly best friends ba.

im just closer to the 2 of them den others.

meet up!!

hee.

im wondering who are the ones still reading my blog.

if u are.

think u must be good in html ba.

haa.

she asked me for my pw.

i did not reply.

perhaps the trust is not there le ba.

i LOVE my family~

i LOVE my friends~

i LOVE my dear~

=p

now i noe who are my friends.

and who are not my friends.

its really so damn true tat dont judge a book by its cover.

i really got nothing to say if they think im tat kind of ppl.

but still.

thank god tat i always have my jies have me all while.

once a while receive call from them really made me feel warm.

although i did not turn up for gatherings.

but im not forgotten by them.

im not being blamed by them.

they understand me.

true friend dont need alot.

1 or 2 its enough.

yup now i really noe.

hmm.

the older i am.

i realise more and more things.

i been through thru more and more.

now i wana put all of my unhappiness aside.

treasure my last 10days with my bf b4 he go ns.

slim down eat lesser so tat i can be pretty on my dinner and dance at zouk on 18march.

den go on leave back to my beloved malaysia hometown on 20 to 23march.

hopefully can go batam with my management team to relax ourselves as our reward coz we all work real hard.

lols.

yup!

dont waste time and energy to think and worry abt stuffs tat made me sad.

might as well think how to be happy right?

hee.

=p

hais.

its really painful to see someone leaving this world right infront of ur eyes.

i really cant rmb when is the last time i visited her.

and now she's gone.

gone forever.

at least im there to acc her during very last journey and till her very last breathe.

kor kor u must take care k?

i noe u love ur mother very much.

im sure ur mother noes it too.

i believe tat ur mother will be having good life too at the other world tat we cant see.

kor kor i will always rmb wat u had told me the past few days.

actually i felt great too to meet up 2 of my closer kor kor.

the rest not close de.

den i realise im the 'princess'.

coz im the only girl at our generation.

haa.

instead of being dote.

i got bullied from the 2 kor kor.

so bad.

1 asked me to buy psp for his bdae present.

1 asked me to buy air ticket for his bdae present.

-_-

life is unpredictable.

2mths b4 i lost 1 family member.

i did not went coz its during my bdae week my mother dont allow me to go.

den 2mths aft lost another one.

hais.

so wat if i look fine today.

who noes wat will happen to me tmr?

losing a family menber forever is already heartpain.

at the same time.

i think i had lost 4 friends.

i dunno y.

i dunno how.

i dunno wat.

i dunno when.

hais.

my nightmare is finally here.

the news i dont wana hear eventually still has to be heard.

the day i dont wana it to arrive will be arriving in 22days.

15march2008

dont stop me from crying.

let me be.

dear im going to miss you very very very much...

i really dunno how to survive without u le.

for the past 6mths i had been sticking u so closely.

i cant imagine how my life will be like without u.

dear dont worry k?

i will be strong de.

i will be waiting for u de.

love u my dear.

(:

hais.

y i just cant do well in the things i do?

morale reallie damn low now.

y they can do it but i cant?

made me no more confidence.

feel like avoiding it.

hais.

ya well perhaps failure is always a failure ba.

wat can i do when im sad?

cry?

sleep?

do nothing?

daydream?

anyone can tell me?

wat can i do to relise stress?

shout?

yell?

scream?

or cry?

hais.

i dont want this kind of life.

i wana be happy.

i dont wana be sad.

i wana to smile.

i ont wana to cry.

but how?!?!

now im really confuss tat whether i wana be alone or i need an accompanyment.

when im alone how i wish there's someone to talk to me so tat i wont feel down.

but sometimes how i wish ppl can leave me alone so tat i can cry to myself.

hais.

wat i really want lah?

i really wonder.

ohh ya i forget to mention.

well maybe i said it damn long time ago.

so those who are new to my blog wont noe.

i hate ppl to talk abt my blog details outside.

dont discuss it among ppl too!!

once u read it.

either u rmb it and shut up.

or jolly well u can just forget it.

and if u feel offended.

sorry.

its my blog afterall.

dont like it den just simply dont read!

i dont mind.

my purpose of blogging is to pour out all my feelings.

happiness and sadness.

if i allow u to say it out or discuss among group.

y i still bother to blog?

i might as well write and put on newspaper.

den ALL will noe.

no need ppl to talk abt it.

ya.

tats another reason y am i tat angry tat day.

n oso the reason y i changed my password.

hmm had been 2weeks ever i last blogged.

cny is over.

yup first time in my memory i celebrate cny in singapore.

went chinatown on the eve.

first day and second day of cny went for movie.

of coz i simply love being with him.

but others just cant understand me.

out of sudden aft our happy dinner gathering.

she came against me.

worst thing is.

not directly.

is indirectly.

y wana pass msg?

just tell me straight.

still say we are friends for more den 10yrs.

for tat fucking 10yrs u dont understand me?

ya perhaps u have not.

i dont feel hurt for those words u said to me.

i felt so damn fucking angry.

more den u told someone to pass the msg to me tat u're pissed with me.

how i wana treat my bf is my prob.

how u wana treat ur bf its ur hell god damn prob.

y wana interfere?

i just feel tat wasted my effort treating u as my friend.

wat a FRIEND!!

wat made me real damn mad was.

she went round telling ppl tat im wrong.

i shld change.

i just wana stop the small matter to become big matter.

i told her 'ok stop it'

den again she went round telling ppl tat i had admitted tat im in the wrong.

i will change.

wat the fuck~?!

wat she meant by tat?

telling ppl tat she had won the battle?

and i had lost?!

fuck off~!!

ARGH!!!

aft tat.

i kept on thinking.

wat had i achieve in my life?

think think think.

seems nothing.

feels like im a failure.

mother always nagging tat im not a good daughter.

bf commented im selfish and stubborn.

friends say tat i neglected them.

boss say tat i had not done a good job.

see.

wat and where else im good at?

im like a failure in all areas in my life.

TOTAL FAILURE~

hais...

hmm came back from work.

i feel much much more tired to work opening den working closing.

coz if i worked opening i only slp for like 3hrs.

den if i work closing i still can slp 6 to 8hrs.

haa.

anyway my boss like treat me so nice like tat.

tmr and sun im off.

den cny 1st and 2nd im off.

actually i only request off on 1st day nia.

but 2nd day im off too!

so happy.

lols.

but off where can i go?

im not like the rest go around visiting relatives.

so i dunno where to go and wat to do.

but luckily both of the days he is not working too.

hee.

cny dinner ah cny dinner.

still rmb we had it last yr.

so fun.

having the lao yu sheng.

wana have it again this yr.

(:

back from work.

hmm my feb schedule still not out.

sians.

are we having any renuion dinner this yr?

seems like no one starting the ball rolling.

later i plan le last min give excuses and less den 50% of the ppl turn up.

its like wasting my effort planning.

heart pain de leh.

once again to plan a gathering is not a easy job.

hais.

see my mood lah.

wana plan or not.

but if i nv plan.

when are we going to meet up again?

till one day dont care abt each other?

eventually forget one another?

hais hais hais.

i really wat to do le lah.

the more i think.

the more my heart feel hurt.

can someone pls advice?

if i were to ask u 'wat do u see urself in 3yrs time?'

wat ur ans will be?

im being asked this qns by my business consultant.

i crapped one big round with her.

but actually i dont really understand wat the hell im trying to say.

im like a person with no goals in my life.

i dunno wat i wana do in the future.

and of coz i dunno wat will i be doing in the future.

am i going to continue to persue my dream?

i want to.

but im scared of failure again.

how many yrs can i try?

1yr?

2 yrs?

5yrs?

or 10yrs?

arghh.

forget it.

i will stay watever im now.

hais.

im really afraid to think far.

i just hope tat everyday have a better tmr.

im satisfied.

phew~

had been working like mad the past few days.

dont say le lah.

angry.

fed up.

but i cant do anything.

ya.

unlike last time.

can revenge.

but now.

wat i can do is.

to suffer myself.

hais.

anyway those hard days are over.

went shopping aft work with candice to relax myself ba.

i went back to the same shop to get another dress.

tube dress this time round.

something new.

something tat i did not have before.

hee.

candice bought the same as me too.

hmm well.

actually is i bought the same one as her.

coz is she the one who spot it first.

hee.

den we bought the same sandels.

and oso the same wedges.

hee.

happie happiee~!!

=DD

yup think im done with my cny shopping le.

dont wana spend somemore liao.

think i had spent more den 200bucks liao leh.

=x

bRoKe~

ohh ya!

had watched rambo 4 few days back with him.

its like omg lor.

so er xin~!!

errrrr...

just came back from work.

tired~

3crews nv turned up for work.

-_-

made 3managers worked like mad dogs.

haa.

tired is tired.

things tat i wana to be done i still can do it.

maybe not all have the same thinking as me.

well.

i need to be more understanding ba.

hmm... ...~

actually im so mood-less de.

but aft talking to my goon du friend junaina.

i feel better.

hmm.

it had been a long time ever we talk on phone.

we seldom talked too le.

aft i transfer out from kallang.

to marina square.

den she transfer out to funan.

den attach to T3.

aft tat back to funan.

now tell me she wana resign.

wth~

i just promoted.

den she wana resigned.

still promised me to go D&D this year together.

idiotic she~

-_-

yeah yeah.

talking abt D&D.

its abt on march.

hee.

looking forward for it!!

=p

not working today.

feeling so damn tired and lazy.

dont feel like doing anything and going anywhere.

just came back from work.

my nose is killing me.

sneeze and sneeze for the whole day.

abt a week le lor.

bth~

yeah yeah.

came back from shopping at queensway.

he got his shoe.

i got my skinny jeans.

=DD

but.

he claims tat i look fat although tats SKINNY jeans.

so sad!!

i still buy it.

coz.

he only tell me aft i paid.

-_-''

to my surprise.

he brought me to ecp aft tat.

y surprise?

coz i was told to close my eyes almost 3/4 of the journey.

its like takin roller coaster in the dark.

felt so giddy.

den when i open my eyes.

yeah im at ecp!

i like to go there.

to slack.

to enjoy the sea breeze.

to listen to the sea wave

hee.

=p

aft two off days.

later going to work at 330pm.

like to work closing shifts.

coz im a night lfe person.

haa.

just came back from our shopping trip.

well perhaps is HIS shopping trip instead ba.

coz he is the one who bought lotsa stuffs while im empty handed.

lols.

went bugis street.

he bought himself one jeans and two tops.

is guys jeans tat ex?

59bucks for one?

omg~

haa.

actually wana get myself another skinny.

but tat particular shop is damn lots of ppl.

so i changed my mind not to get it.

haa.

we went to catch ONE MISSED CALL.

nice movie.

coz i like horror mah.

haa.

horror-ness: 9/10

storyline: 6.5/10

the lead actor died and the story somehow got no ending.

and oso dunno how the whole story actually started.

haha.

well but still kinda recommanded.

anyway is it true tat watching horror movies is like wasting money to scare urself?

perhaps its true for those who are scared and dont like.

but.

i like it.

LOLs~!!

=DD

surprisingly he is not working today.

surprise coz i dunno it at all.

haha.

think we might be going to queensway coz he wana get shoes.

think i might can get skinny there.

grab some tops if i can find any.

hee.

another shopping trip on 28!!

haha.

with dolly and candice.

maybe lisa too,

wana get shoes tat day.

hee.

yeah yeah yeah~

shop shop shop till drop before cny!!

=p

today is sunday.

so happy tat im off.

tmr im off too.

its so great tat having 2 off days straight.

already planned to go out today.

but i dunno how is the plan going on.

i looking forward for today for a very long time.

supposely to be happy.

but..

sads.

seriously is very difficult to handle family work friends and bf all at one time.

i believe everyone dont wish to neglect any of it.

tat including me.

so wat can i do to have equal and sufficient time for all?